Ideas to Create a Community of Learners, and Student Ownership

In this blog I mostly just want to get out some ideas I've had as the year has progressed and my education classes have made me think. I'd love to hear your thoughts about these. Sometimes I have great ideas, and sometimes they're crazy, and the bad news is that I rarely know the difference!

One topic I've read about deals with creating a community of learners. There are certain prerequisites, such as having a positive classroom environment (both in terms of the room's organization as well as good classroom management). But the idea is that you take the focus away from yourself as the teacher, and focus on student centered activities. This involves less lecturing and individual practice, and more group activities and discussion. Everyone is learning, including the teacher, and everyone helps each other to learn.

There are a LOT of things they talk about in education classes that band pretty much has built into it. But I think in regards to this one, I'm not so sure. Traditional rehearsals are entirely grounded in the idea that when you're not playing, you're not talking, and you're devoting 100% of your attention to the conductor, even if they're not talking to you, else you'll face the wrath. Of course, as players we always find ways to communicate, whether it's whispering extremely quietly, or whatever. When conductors are dictators, students find ways to bend those rules, even if just a little bit. At least that's my experience coming up in bands with that kind of environment. And hey, it works.

But what if there were more ways to make students responsible for each other's learning, and thus improving their learning in the process? Specifically, teaching a concept has the highest retainment rate and helps you to achieve a deeper level of learning than does anything else. So what are some ways to better create a community of learners and give students more ownership? I wonder how some of these ideas would work out.

Marching and Playing Fundamentals


My typical experience of marching techniques involves an explanation/demonstration of a marching technique by an instructor, with guided practice by the instructor in a block. Following that you'll usually break into sections, and the section leaders drill the new technique while giving the section more individualized attention. The ratio of officer to section members varies, of course, but it's better than the large block. Notice that the section leaders are now teaching, which increases their understanding and ultimately helps them become the stand out marchers of the band. After several minutes you'll return to the large block and drill some more. Some teachers have one group of students watch another, whether it's through the form of a section contest, or whatever kind of contest. This can be useful as you can see what makes someone look good or bad, but there is no guarantee that all students will watch intently. Though when you make a contest out of it, those chances do increase.

What if we were to do something like this? After reviewing previous techniques, we teach them the new technique and drill it for several minutes in a group setting. Then we number the columns or rows in 1's and 2's. Students turn towards their partner, introduce themselves, and then fall back into attention. We can then have the 1's fall out and watch the 2's display the technique, reminding them before hand of the check list of things they should look for, and with a previously instilled attitude concept that says they are ultimately responsible for the band's total success, and that every one of them really is a vital member of the band, along with some tips on how to give and receive constructive criticism (again, a safe environment is a prerequisite for establishing a community of learners).

Now what happens? Now we have a student teacher ratio of 1:1. The 1's are getting a deeper understanding of the marching techniques by not just watching it, but teaching it, and the 2's are getting one on one attention to help them improve. I think we could have the 2's display the technique a total of three times, with feedback after the first two. As soon as they stop, 1's assume the position of attention, and then 2's become the teachers. Having just had comments on their technique, they'll be even better prepared to coach the 1's (this seems unavoidable). We could even have the students shake hands or hug afterwards and say thanks for the help. We could either drill as a large group again to assess the total progress to that point, or go straight to sectionals where the section leaders, who have more training and probably better trained eyes (and probably higher expectations) will try to catch anything that was missed. Then we can still conclude with a giant group block at the end to review. I'd also be willing to instruct students to stand between two different people at each session so they're getting coached and coaching people they're unfamiliar with.

And yet there would be an element of urgency to this process, and a sense that students should be grateful for each other's help, because I am a big believer in having a marching certification process. For anyone who is unfamiliar, marching certification is like your marching techniques final exam, where you march through an established drill (ex: series of box drills), and demonstrate perfect marching fundamentals. This is with the threat (I hate to say it) that they must be certified to have a spot on the field during the half time show. The sequence should be challenging, but achievable, so that it is doable by everyone, but there is a real sense of accomplishment at the end. Then you do whatever it takes to make sure every student passes certification. Those who get certified right off the bat can root on those who are still trying, and can even coach students who are having significant trouble. The goal for an entire session is to pass certification, and you stay behind at the end of the day to keep working with anyone who couldn't do it in that time period.

Regardless of how hard it is, you hype it up as being a challenge. With this test of skills on the horizon, I think students can bond together with the common goal of helping each other to get through it, even on a one on one level. My only concern is that some students will be less experienced and knowledgeable than others, but rotating partners at each session should help to lessen the impact on any one student and give all students a more consistent experience. I don't know, I just think it could work.

I've also heard of a similar approach to teaching playing fundamentals in beginning band, such as having partners check each other for posture, horn carriage, etc. I don't think you can use this in all situations, but I think it would work well for certain things.

I went into much more detail on that than I had intended.

In Music Rehearsal?

I honestly think the most important thing you can get the students to do to improve during rehearsal is to motivate them to focus on improving at something no matter what's going on. For example, when I work with a group I say up front that if I start addressing one section, I expect the students not in that section to do something to get better. They can mentally count rhythms, finger through passages, etc. etc. There is music to memorize, and much to be done in general, and because time is the one commodity we never get back, they shouldn't waste a moment of it just because I'm addressing a section or an individual.

However, I think it's still somewhat possible to have a "community of learners" in the context of rehearsal. But you have to sacrifice something. Silence. Now this one I'm still undecided on, and I will probably arrive at a conclusion within the first couple of years of teaching, but here is what I'm debating. Actually, I tried this out over the summer and generally liked the results.

I gave the students permission to talk, but with certain restrictions. Above all else, they had to restrict their discussion to music related items. This way, if someone needed help (like a fingering or rhythm question), they had my permission to ask a neighbor before asking me. I figure the most problems they can fix on their own, the better for all of us. They were required to use the softest voice possible so that I could still communicate with who I needed to. If I could not communicate easily with who I needed to, I could remove that right. Finally, they could only ask each other questions if I was addressing someone else. If I was addressing them, I required their full attention.

You sacrifice the complete silence that most directors cherish. But silence is an interesting thing. Some students are able to focus better in complete silence, while others (particularly those who have enough siblings and animals at home) concentrate better when there is at least a little bit of ambient noise. So as long as the noise is of a low level such that I can easily communicate with who I need to, I don't think it hurts me. Silence or noise? Either way, some students are better off than others. If the noise level gets too loud, enforce the whisper rule, and if it happens again, enforce a "talk out". For non-WT people, the idea of a "talk out" is that, once enacted, only the director may speak a word. The consequences for uttering even a syllable during a talk about are apparently severe, though I never asked what happens. Everyone just shut up and I assumed if I talked I would get kicked out of band or something. I could just as easily have a student immediately put their instrument away and exit the ensemble formation, and call home after class. So through this concept it might be possible to create a community of learners even in music rehearsal, even if it was more limited. Maybe this will end up being totally wrong. But as long as the general rule is that they quietly stay on task individually until a question arises, I think it could work. Certainly a mad house is unacceptable. I've seen directors work in such an environment, but I can't imagine how, and the bands themselves were usually not that great. Of course, almost all of the talking was not related to the task at hand. But that kind of volume just plain made me angry. Anyway, I guess we'll see.

Other ideas to promote student ownership...

Have you ever considered that most subjects have student tutors, but band doesn't? Granted, even your best players have bad habits that you don't want them to pass on, but at the same time they could still offer some valuable help. I know in my high school tuba section, we traded tips all the time. In large enough cities you might have a small army of lesson teachers, but not all students can afford that, and I rarely see Jr. High/Middle School students taking lessons. Worse, what do you do if you're in a small town where no lesson teachers are available? Well, of course you can set aside some time each day to teach a private lesson or two, but you'll probably give priority to your older students, or at least those in the high school.

Keep in mind this specific idea is for small school bands, where often the Middle School and High School are merged onto one campus.

Why not have students from your top band, who are willing, able, and (based on your judgement) capable, teach lessons to beginning band students? Call them Band Tutors. Let your high school students know that these players are the future of the band, so the more help we can give them, the better the band will become when they become members. In larger areas with middle schools that have students start in the 6th grade, with 7th and 8th graders split between two skill based bands, you might still be able to find students willing to tutor beginners, but I don't know. Maybe, maybe not. But that first year of band is covering material so easy that it should be easy for even 8th graders to coach their 6th grade peers, as long as they've been well taught.

White sheets - of course. Ben Zander, conductor of the Boston Philharmonic (among other things), promotes a practice in which students answer the following question on a blank white sheet at the end of rehearsal - "What can we do to make more beautiful music?" For students, it might be that they need a cue, or need more help with a passage. But ideally what you want is feedback on the interpretation of the music itself. It might be a beautiful chord they want held out longer, or something else. You can then read over the suggestions and pick the ones you're interested in experimenting with the next time you hit those sections. With this practice, the end result is more of a collaborative effort than strictly the interpretation of the conductor (though that is the heaviest influence). Using student recommendations that are appropriate gives students a stronger feeling of ownership and pride in the music, in addition to having given them more liberty to exercise their artistic creativity.

As this has turned into a long post already, I'll conclude with these two brief ideas.

One question I've asked myself is how we can use the high school band to help support social causes both as a means for student intellectual growth as well as to build support among the community. I recall my high school band doing a food drive at least once, and at the concert the director explained that it had come from the band members and shook hands with the director of that organization on stage. Sure, it could be something as simple as that, or preferably we could maybe perform at an event or offer some volunteers or something. I'm not sure.

But what I'd like to do is compose a list of local organizations that advance various causes. At some point during the year I could give this list, with a description of the organization's purposes, to the students with instructions to read about the organizations and causes. At some point towards the end of the year we could take some time to vote on which organization(s) the students want to support in the next year. We narrow it down to 1-2, and then I can get in touch with those organizations to see how we could get involved. This way, not only are we building a positive reputation and positive connections throughout the community, but the students are learning positive values in the process, and have ownership over which causes the band supports. Hopefully it will involve a performance of some type, but that might not always be the case.

Finally, I'm also interested in having students choose the theme for the marching show each year. I'm currently preparing for the event that, like most other ASU music grads, I'll end up with a job as a director at a small school (though I wouldn't mind a job working with beginners in a large area, as I think it would benefit me more in the long run). With that in mind, I'm gradually piecing together a show, just in case that happens. But after that first year I could let the students help with that. My instructions would include paying more attention in their core classes to discover the underlying lessons and themes that can apply broadly to benefit us as Americans, or as a human race. For example, a student studying World War II in history, or related literature in English, may discover some important lessons about the evils of oppression. If the theme of oppression (not a show title, but a theme... part of the show's message) made the final cut, then I could go forth and find music that suited that theme. Shostakovitch or any number of composers would have great music that could be applicable to such a theme. I would provide guidance through the elimination process, but the end result would be based on what the students wanted the show to convey. Then I could go find the music and put the show together. This way the students get at least a small amount of ownership at the ground level of the show, while I still do the most important aspect (at least in my view), programming. But just this small thing makes the show their show, their message, and so on.

Well, that's a LOT of ideas I've thrown out there. What are your thoughts? Are any of them good? Or are they crazy? Your feedback is always appreciated. Thank you, as always, for reading, and take care!

Musically yours,
Mr. Cooper

First Lesson of the Year

I haven't had much to update on here lately, and I apologize for that. I've been finding out that, while I only have one subscriber, there are actually a few of you out there who read this thing. Cool! And thank you!

So currently I have one private student under my wing. We finally got to have our first lesson of the academic year this past Monday. I have to admit, it wasn't great teaching on my part. I allowed several factors to contribute to my lack of enthusiasm:

1. We were initially planning on having lessons over the summer to work, primarily, on fundamentals. We had two lessons, and after that something almost always came up.

2. This turned into a trend. Once the year started, the student always had a reason why we couldn't meet. They were always legitimate reasons, but disheartening none the less. It makes you question if the student actually wants to continue lessons, or if they're just dragging you along.

3. It culminated in the last two weeks when he sent me a message on Labor Day asking where we would meet since the school was closed, and I replied with a location, and he didn't show up (probably didn't check his messages), and then the very next week I drove out to his school, low on gas, only for him to have already left for a doctor's appointment which I didn't know about.

I honestly considered giving him an ultimatum. I simply can't afford to drive 40-50 minutes round trip for nothing, not to mention that I could use that time to prepare for my upcoming senior recital. But he apologized and I drove out the next week (this past Monday), still not sure of whether or not he would show up.

Luckily he was there, and he was excited to get started. Of course, he also hadn't even looked at his audition etudes. I had asked for copies of the music weeks ago since I don't own the particular book they came out of, and never got them, so this was my first time seeing the etudes.

While waiting for students to clear out of the area I proceeded to warm up. Then the first cool thing happened. I sight read the snot out of two of those etudes. Considering I haven't done much sight reading in several months, I felt pretty good about it, but my student was inspired. As kids walked in and out of the area he was pointing, "Are you hearing this?" "Hey, this is my tuba teacher!" It was great to know that, while I've been struggling with many aspects of my recital music, I can nail the more traditional etudes without much effort. But it was also great to provide a model for my student. Finally, it was time to get started.

As I didn't have the music ahead of time, I didn't have much of a plan. I let him pick the starting point, and we gradually worked our way through the etude. I showed him some tricks to make learning the licks easier. In fact, that's basically how the entire lesson went. Probably not bad. He seemed to be enjoying the experience. I just didn't feel like we were making big enough strides for my taste, and I blamed myself for that. Maybe we were making some big strides. There were at least two things that happened that are pretty note worthy that I wanted to document:

The first was the coolest, for me at least. Once we got to the recap in the first etude, we understandably picked up speed. Since he was basically hitting the right notes and rhythms, even though it wasn't with a great sound yet, I decided to act on something I saw in the music. It was a stylistic thing. A musical nuance.

My lesson teacher forbids working on musical nuance until your "base line playing" is nearly flawless. He is of the school that you have to have your fundamentals down before you can get to the music. This is a debate I've read about, and all of the greatest names in the music education world seem to agree that you should teach both musicality and playing technique at the same time. With that in mind, I pointed the style out to him and modeled it for a single phrase, then had him play it back to me.

"So, what do you think?"

"Yeah, that sounds cool! I like it!"

And just like that, we had our pearl for the lesson. On his first day with one of the etudes, this student was making music, and of course, he was pumped about it. After seeing his excitement I suddenly realized that he is much more likely to practice his etudes again before our next lesson for the simple fact that he now feels excited about playing it, even if it's just that one etude for now. That will still be good progress.

The other thing was actually mentioned earlier. One of the positive things I've gained from my lessons is a set of tools to break down passages to make them easier to learn and refine. Using a variety of these tricks, I showed the student that two of the etudes really won't be as bad as he might have originally thought. He actually voiced that idea before I did, which is great. If students don't know that something is hard, they aren't as much at risk of getting in their own way, so to speak.

So really, it wasn't a bad lesson. Just not up to the standard I expect of myself. Next week will definitely be better since I have the opportunity to analyze the music and prepare. I am determined to have at least one major breakthrough this Monday in addition to good progress in as many other areas as possible.

I'll start observing at a local middle school this next week, and if the teachers don't mind then I'll probably mention some of the things I gained from those experiences in here as well. Additionally, I've been tossing around some other ideas for small school programs that I wouldn't mind discussing in here. I'm always open for discussion or ideas!

I really appreciate the positive feedback I've received from a few of you regarding this blog. Thank you for reading! If this one isn't up to snuff, I apologize, but I haven't had a lot of cool opportunities lately. I'm hoping that will change soon. In the mean time, the major take away I think is that yes, teaching music and technique simultaneously can have cool results. It certainly seems like it would be more enjoyable than being beaten into the ground for weeks at a time before you're allowed to make music!

Thanks again for reading, and until next time, take care!

Musically yours,
Mr. Cooper

An Attitude Shift

"Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude." - Thomas Jefferson

“The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company... a church... a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you... we are in charge of our Attitudes.” - Charles Swindoll

"It's all invented!" - Benjamin Zander

In the last 15 hours or so I've had what might be a timely breakthrough, or at least the seeds for one. As far as what any of it has to do with music, or teaching, I'll get to that later, but the answer is, "Quite a bit."

Last night around 11 or so I went to Denny's to unwind. One of my favorite ways to unwind in recent years is to go to a place with coffee and do some planning. Instead of working on academia, I work on something else. But I'm productive. Maybe that sounds strange to you, or maybe not. Regardless, I prefer that or positive conversation to "veging-out". 

When I was an Active Member of Kappa Kappa Psi, I spent that time planning or organizing something related to my office. Since I became Conditional just over a year ago, I've instead directed that energy towards my future as a music educator, or specifically a band director. For example, I've read books on inspired teaching (a couple), rehearsal techniques, running a marching band program, and running a total band program. I've brainstormed what my programs would look like, and various other things. 

Last night I decided to start tackling the development of my leadership training materials. I've already outlined the curriculum for a Leadership Camp as well as a partial curriculum for masterclasses during Summer Camps. I'm now moving into a phase with my camp planning that I'm getting more specific than just topics, schedules, etc. etc. So I wanted to start working on those things. 

After an hour of talking to a former ASU Music student (much older man than me), I finally got to work. 

I started with the most basic, Role Modeling or Leadership by Example. Eventually I got to Constructive Leadership vs. Destructive Leadership, and so on, until I eventually started on the most complex topic, and what would surely be the first and possibly most fun session: "Attitude". I'm not 100% sure how I'll accomplish this yet, but my ideal attitude session involves not just explaining something to the students, but also putting them through activities where they experience the differences for themselves and hopefully buy in, thus planting the seeds for their own attitude breakthrough and consequent revolution.

Anyway, I remember writing about how you choose your mental reactions, whether you realize it or not, and later about how everything is what you make of it, like how failure can become growth and how whether you say you can, or you can't, you're right. To be honest, I was still really brainstorming the session. I was trying to throw in some specifics, but I found I was having a difficult time with it.

Interestingly enough, I've been having a tough time with some of these concepts myself. In high school I had them down pat. When the "Bad Old Days" came in my first two years of college, I often beat myself up more because I couldn't recapture it. And lately I've been finding it difficult to control my attitude, and my mental reactions to things. It's funny because every time I think I've reclaimed everything I lost during the "Bad Old Days", I eventually find something else I haven't fixed yet. Actually, I made some progress on this after meeting Benjamin Zander at TMEA earlier this year, but it seems my efforts were not thorough enough. 

Case in point, I've been nervous about this semester all summer. And sure enough, every day this first week had multiple things associated with it that caused me great stress. I felt like I was already in the second half of the semester stress wise, and if that were the case, what did that mean for the rest of the semester? Events outside of academia have also occurred that could honestly force me to get a job and, who knows, drop out half way through to make sure we can cover rent. I don't know! But anyway, it's been a hell of a week, and starting when I got home last night my primary goal was to unwind. The a second goal came to me when, in a moment of realization, I said to myself, "I have GOT to find a way to deal with all of this stress!"

That wasn't a tangent. Stay with me!

So I was displacing stress in this case by planning for what could be my first job as the only band director in a small town. And it seems that anytime you have books spread across a table and you look concentrated on planning or doing some kind of work, people at surrounding tables, eventually, feel the need to make a comment or ask questions and pull you into a conversation. Have you noticed this? Because it seems to happen to me almost every time. Not that I mind, of course. 

Oh, and sometimes when people find out you're going to be a teacher, and specifically a band director, they feel the need to tell you what kind of teacher you should be. That's what happened last night. 

At the table next to me were two older women. The talker, let's say her name was Betty, had a pretty depressing story. She was the oldest of four sisters, and both of her parents worked, but couldn't afford everything they needed. So Betty dropped out of school in the 7th grade to work full time. She basically took care of her younger sisters, went to work, where she was paid like a migrant worker, and came home only to fight over who got to use the shower first. She didn't have her parent's support to do anything extra-curricular. Band instruments were not provided at the school she attended, and her parents essentially told her she couldn't do anything (no sports, etc) because it would cost money. So of course now she's helping to support her granddaughter to make sure she can excel. 

"So what I wanna know is, what are you gonna do about those kids? How are you gonna help the kids that can't afford it, and have no choice but to work to support their families?"

Oh boy.

So I engaged the two women, Betty in particular, in a long discussion about the challenges those students face, and what they really need to succeed. My primary argument was that what they really need is at least one teacher that actually does care about them, and encourages them to succeed, perhaps even giving them opportunities or presenting them with pathways to success. But they need a great teacher who will just invest in them personally (to the extent that professional ethics dictate, of course!). I used the movie "Freedom Writers" as an example, which they were both familiar with. 

And her friend was nodding with me the entire time. Betty also admitted that I had good points here and there. But the truth is that nothing I could say would satisfy Betty. I knew that from the start, though. I knew that she was venting her bitterness and frustration onto me as a future educator, because her educators couldn't help her. So eventually I changed courses. I dared to start down the path of talking about her directly. I almost did something really gutsy, but really great last night. 

Almost.

I disagreed with her that some kids don't have a path. I believe that every kid who is determined can find a path to whatever it is they want to do. Call me an optimist. I admitted that kids from low income families have a wider range of challenges and obstacles, but I refused to accept that it was impossible. I then started to note that there exists many paths to the future. I said, "There are plenty of people who drop out, but later get their GED and go on to college."

Betty responded, "Yeah, I got my GED. I passed all the classes in six weeks. Hell, I'm smart! I know I'm smart! The only thing I struggled with was fractions!" Ah, progress! Opportunity, perhaps?

"Well, let me ask you Betty, who takes care of your siblings now?"

"Huh, I do! I still take care of them."

Not exactly what I was looking for, but good enough.

"Wow. Okay, so at what point do your siblings become responsible for themselves? We all have to grow up and take responsibility for ourselves at some point, right?"

"Heh, when they're 50 I guess."

And that's where I stopped. I knew what to say, but honestly I was afraid of telling her the truth. So I transitioned out with something like, "Well, at some point people need to grow up and learn to take care of themselves, right? At some point you should have the freedom to not have to support them so you can do what you want to do with your life, right?"

Now of course I knew that there were probably plenty of other obstacles preventing her from continuing her education after her GED outside of her siblings. I'm sure she isn't care taking the way she was as a teenager. But who knows, she's probably still giving them money here and there. I know how it is in that kind of family.

But here is what I almost said.

I almost said, "The only person that's been holding you back since your siblings became adults is you. You proved you were smart enough to move on to college when you got your GED. As far as your siblings go, part of parenting is teaching independence, right? So if they're still holding you back, do what a loving parental figure would do and force them to become independent. It's no different from me having to teach my son to use dinnerware to feed himself, or to use the potty, it's just more emotionally complex when they're older. You could probably get financial aid, but even if you couldn't you could probably knock off a class or two at a time until you had a degree that would let you live out your dream, assuming your dream job required a degree. And all of the wisest people I've met would agree that it is never too late to be who you want to be. That the regret of not having done something at all is far greater than the regret of not having got to do it for very long. Your circumstances as a child were very tough, and I'm sorry. But now you're older, and stronger for all of that, and you have the power to do whatever you want to do with your life. And once you set your mind to achieving you dream, once you really truly commit, nothing will be able to stop you, because nothing that has ever happened in the past or present will be a good enough reason anymore for you to not live your life's purpose."

I was on the brink of giving this a shot. Because after all, what better way to sell her on me as a teacher and my strategy of investing in students to help lead them to success, than to show her how I would do that? I learned about her past, and a little bit about her life, and even if she just considered the idea for a moment, that could be some measure of success. Had I gone through with it, it probably would have met with harsh resistance, but that's not to say perhaps she wouldn't have considered it more in a few days. I don't know.

But before I took that risk, I received a text message from my wife asking me to come home. It was after 2 AM. This was the perfect reason to excuse myself and cordially part ways. 

But between planning for leadership training, and thinking about how Betty's attitude influenced the course of her life, it all must have gelled together somehow to cause me to reflect on my own attitude at the moment. 

How could I have been so blind, so stupid, this entire time as to what I myself was doing?

I have such a high stress level because I choose to. And sometimes I rationalize this because it has been largely successful. I tell people that while I don't intend on using fear to motivate, fear has been an excellent motivator for me. It's gotten worse the more successful I've been, and the longer I've been with my family and at ASU. Funny, right? You would think that after a year in which I passed the Upper Level Jury (with all A's), and took about 20 courses that resulted in 19 A's and 1 B, that I would be pretty confident in myself. But this week proved that I'm more nervous and afraid than ever in my ability to overcome the obstacles before me.

But you know, most successful people see failure as growth (sound familiar?), something not to be feared. Despite that, I fear failure because I fear letting down my family, or dealing with repaying my student loans with a minimum wage job, or that if I don't succeed my entire life will be different. Instead of living my purpose and making a positive impact on the world, I'll end up in a job that I hate, trading time for money, instead of doing what I wanted to do, what I could've done, which is to positively impact lives through the power of music and music education. I fear ending up bitter over that. 

Like Betty, I suppose.

But it's a simple matter of how I choose to perceive things, and how I choose to react to situations. After all, I have experienced first hand the difference when you treat life as though it is 10% what happens and 90% how you react to it. It's all invented, anyway, right? Everything is what you make of it. So why on earth have I been inventing situations where the likely outcome is failure (even though it never happens that way)? For motivation, of course. But after this week, the first week of the semester, I just don't think it's worth that anymore. The truth is, I don't even get that excited about making awesome grades anymore. So it's not worth the stress, especially not when I could still be just as successful and motivated with a different mindset. 

I will be a better player and musician because of the Senior Recital. Playing at the high level of technical prowess and musicianship that they demand to pass will indeed require endless hours of practice. But as long as I make the decision to do what I need to do to pass, and I really commit to that, then nothing can stop me. So why be so stressed out about it?

Yes, my course work is going to be challenging and burdening this semester, and will make it more difficult than I'd like to get enough practice time from day to day. Challenging, but not impossible. Why stress about it when I know I can handle insane amounts of course work? I know, for example, that what I consider to be poor quality work usually comes back to me with a high A marked on it. I don't know why. That's just where I've gotten to now. Again, it will be challenging, but I will grow through those challenges. And as long as I commit and do what I know must be done, I will be successful. 

And granted, things beyond my total control, like the ability of some family members to help support us during all of this (or lack of that ability) could force me into a situation where it probably would be impossible to get everything done, and practice enough, and maintain healthy family relationships. That's true. But instead of being stressed, I'll just do what I can, when I can, and hope for the best. There is a newly established scholarship that is being awarded next month that I qualify for. It won't make up for the grants I didn't get, but it will get us half way there if I am awarded it. If I'm lucky, maybe I'll get another scholarship for being the principal tubist in Wind Ensemble. Who knows? If I'm lucky, my lesson student will be reliable, and if I'm lucky, my part time job teaching elementary kids about the tuba will book me for more presentations this semester. If I'm lucky, maybe Tuba Therapy will pick up an occasional paying gig. But that's all outside of my control. So I'll do what I can, when I can, to manage the financial impossibility of this semester the best I can, and just hope for the best. 

If I have to get a full time job and am unable to continue classes part way through the semester? Well, it's a possibility. But in the long run, isn't there always a path? Maybe it's not the one I intended. I certainly don't want to make Jenn wait any longer before she can live her dream. That's part of the agreement of her working, after all. We're building a life together, and if I fail, that life at least gets delayed. But even if it takes longer, it can still be done. If I give up entirely, that's my fault, and nobody else's. So I'm going to do whatever I can between my two unstable, part time jobs and hopefully a scholarship or two to get us through this semester, and other than that I'm going to do my best not to worry about it.

After all, as Dave Matthews sings in "Cry Freedom"...

"The future is no place to place your better days."

Instead of inventing scenarios where failure is the likely outcome (that doesn't create many possibilities, does it?), I need to invent scenarios where growth and development are the likely outcomes, and where I know that success is virtually guaranteed once I commit to doing what needs to be done. Feeling overworked is still an issue, but fearing failure is no longer an issue in these mind sets.

That would be a major step for me. 

And besides, how can I expect to teach students these concepts if I have not been successful with them myself? I can't. They'll never understand it if I don't, even if I once did. I have to role model the concepts.

Fear is indeed an excellent motivator. But fear can become a tyrannical force in your life. Most people fear their true potential. I don't have that issue. I fear failure. But I don't have to. Not ever again, if I so choose. There is a difference between accepting success as the only possible outcome, and underestimating what is required for success. I made that mistake the first time I attempted the Upper Level Jury, so I won't make that mistake again. 

But I'm just worn out from the fear. And from now on I'm going to do my best to be done with it. 

Thank you for following me on this little journey. Thank you for reading. Feel free to comment or discuss, but otherwise, until next time, take care!

Musically yours,

Mr. Cooper